Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
