Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
