Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
