I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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