How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
