Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think i peed on brittanys purse
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
