The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
