I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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