It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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