Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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