I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
