I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
