Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
