Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
