there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
