Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
