Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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