I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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