That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
