You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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