My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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