Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
