I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
