That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
