Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
