I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
