I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
