I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
