I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
