She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
