Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
