i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
they're like a gay fantastic four
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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