My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
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Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
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Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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