my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
