I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
