I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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