She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Randomize
