I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
