have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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