if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
