Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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