dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
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can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
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Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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