in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
