This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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