i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
