Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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