and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
