The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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