Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
