ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
