one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
