Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
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We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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