apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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