he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
