If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
