i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
