he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
