What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
